forget caps, forget spelling even, have tried to forget many things in my life, and it seems that those things i want to remember are the things i seem to forget...
decided to start writing about my life and myself, and this is for you lindylou... i love you girl :)
ok now where to start from? how about a jump back and forth through time blog? went back to school in 2004 and finished with my AAS in computer info and tech in dec of 06, graduated with honors, 3.98 gpa, was awarded outstanding student of the year have all these pieces of paper, you know those special achievement awards on the wall that no one sees... and exactly a week after i walked with the graduating class i had my neck entirely rebuilt, you can see the pix on this page, went into surgery on a tuesday and woke up after being in a medically induced coma for two days 2 inches shorter than when i went in, had a few vertebra disintegrate and now wear my 'bling' on the inside that i seem to show off a lot, lol. took me about a year and a half to heal, but got all feeling back into my hands and somewhat less pain with the neck, but it always seems to be stiff (duh) and sometimes is a big PITA, the doc says the pain is about two and a half feet from my ass.... then i went back to school and until about august of 2010, i had all these well thought out plans, go back to university and get my bachelors degree and then teach, went back starting in december of 09, was doing great, 4.0 gpa and all that good stuff, then somewhere around the end of july things started becoming hazy... i mean my mind was leaving me... it was hard to comprehend things i read and forget writing, when the brain cannot understand the written word, writing it was even harder... september happened and i dont remember much of it, other than i was able to crawl and sometimes walk to the bathroom, sit on the pot and pass out then crawl or stagger back to the floor and pass out, i knew something was wrong, just didnt know what it was that was wrong... began thinking that the man i married in december of 90 was poisoning me, even said so to a few people. i kept thinking i was dieing, and was so close to it that i was unaware that i actually was... dieing that is....and i turned yellow like a banana, matching the paint on the bathroom wall......... by october, it was a race with the grim reaper, my sister came to my home one night on the urging of my teenage daughter, saw me and tossed me into her truck and off over the mountain we went to the first hospital we could find......... after a short stay in the ER it was up to an urgent care room to have 11 units of blood pumped into me, by nurses squeezing on the first six bags, felt pretty good, was able to sort of think and could again communicate somewhat to those around me, seems I was slowly bleeding to death... after two surgeries and removal of some massive tumor in my bladder found out that i have bladder cancer......not great news but was happy that i was still among the living and left the hospital with a cath bag, to be officially told two weeks later that the big C was now a part of my life...
I contacted those who thought i had died and told them the news, got lots of "i'm sorry" and "will keep you in our prayers" and decided that there were many things in my life that needed to be changed and rearranged and made a huge decision to actually meet face to face with this incredible man whom i had been chatting with on the internet for the past 2 and a half years. now i know that most will say what an idiot...
this guy actually knew me when i was a kid and lived in the same country as i did when i was only 11 years old and told me that he thought about me for those 40 years or 39 years and was thrilled that he finally found me....... i had NO clue who he was but he sent me this picture of us taken of the class we were in and there i was, he was behind me in the picture... i recognized me but still had no clue who he was... but my brother remembered him, was my brother who gave him all my info, email phone number etc, and that is how he contacted me... and we chatted and emailed each other every day, many times a day, for two and a half years.... i got to know more and more about this man and although i fought hard, i fell in love with him, arguing with myself and doing everything i knew how to do to scare him off, but he persisted... i dont think that the thought of 'giving up' ever entered his mind, he was determined to meet me face to face, and i finally gave in, said okay, come on over to the states and lets see what happens...........
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